How Saying ‘No’ Can Help You Build Confidence and Self-Esteem

Everyone has those moments when they’re asked to complete a task they’re not enthusiastic about. Whether helping out with a campaign or going to a public event, it’s quite a universal experience to feel that urge to decline. Some people say “yes” out of guilt or pressure. However, others answer “no” with confidence instead.

It’s empowering to express what you want. Here’s a deeper look at how it can build your self-esteem and how you can say “no” confidently in the future.

How Can Saying “No” Help You?

Learning to say “no” confidently can help you set boundaries in your relationships, whether it’s with work, family or friendships. Many people tend to take advantage of people-pleasing traits, thinking their requests will never be declined. Saying “no” is a way to showcase love and importance to yourself over others.

Saying “no” is also a chance to accomplish what you want. Other people’s pleas are a hindrance to a resolution you have. To reach a goal, you need to practice discipline. Declining recognizes that drive and maintains progress.

It’s natural to feel an obligation to agree right away. A 2022 survey from the Thriving Center of Psychology found that 58% of Americans struggle with saying no to others. However, you need to move past the disappointment and learn to be assertive about what you desire. If you want to turn down requests and invitations, exercise your freedom.

How to Say “No” Confidently

It’s natural to shy away from turning down people, especially if it’s a family or friend. However, it’s essential to put yourself first at times. Here’s a guide on how to say “no” confidently.

1. Always Communicate

For most people, silence always means yes. Some people who know you well may be able to read your thought process and predict whether you will say “no” or not. However, if you’re talking with someone newer in your life, they can’t make those calls.

Avoid thinking that they can assume your answer. The first step to a confident “no” is to blurt it out. Whether through a text message, a call, or a face-to-face conversation, a simple “no, thank you” is more powerful than you think.

2. Check Your Tone

The tone is the defining factor between confidence and arrogance. Shifting tone may be more challenging when using text-based chats, but other cues like punctuation marks, extra words, and emojis can lighten the tone.

Try to alter your way of speaking in in-person conversations. It’s easy to get carried away, especially when you feel a strong urge to turn down a request immediately. You can practice speaking calmly instead of getting angry. A smile can also ease the tension.

3. Reaffirm Your Reasons

There are moments when you initially say “no” and allow yourself to get swayed into answering “yes” instead. There’s nothing wrong with caving, especially when the other person made a good point. However, you need to make sure you’re making that decision.

Try to reevaluate why you said “no” in the first place. For example, someone asked you to get lunch with them. You initially declined because you wanted to save up money. If they offer to pay for your meal, it’s more than okay to say “yes” instead.

4. Stand Your Ground

If you have strong reasons to say “no”, don’t be afraid to stand your ground. Some people may display passive-aggressive behavior when you say no as a form of peer pressure. Respond calmly and repeat what you said.

For instance, a boss might ask you to take on an extra project. You might decline because you still have multiple ones to fulfill. If they answer negatively, reiterate that you cannot accept the project due to your other responsibilities.

5. Practice Honesty

Another way to say “no” confidently is to be more honest. Sharing extra information about the rejection is a great way to justify your answer. It also prompts others to be a little more understanding.

For example, you’re in a social event where people are drinking. If anyone offers a drink, you can be open about your recovery journey as you turn it down. Remember that you only have to share what you’re comfortable with.

6. Get Rid of Your Guilt

Answering “no” is a great way to build up your self-esteem, but it’s understandable to feel a wave of guilt when you first start using it. Try to evaluate your emotions. The word “no” should not be bringing out negative emotions.

When you decline an offer, you aren’t a bad person. Rather, you’re someone who understands how valuable your time and effort are. There are also times when the circumstances simply can’t let you commit. Show yourself some love and say “no.”

Bonus: Say Yes to Other Things

Saying “no” confidently can be the end of things. However, you can also say yes to other things as well. Compromise is a way to iron out differences and meet each other’s needs. Rather than fulfilling only theirs, you can bring yours into the mix and work it out.

For example, your parents want to take a vacation outside of the country. If you fear flying, you need to learn to answer no. After expressing why, you can suggest going on a cruise instead. This solution allows the whole family to go on a big trip while considering your worries.

Say No with Confidence

Figuring out how to say “no” confidently can take some time, especially for more soft-spoken people. That said, it is quite an asset to showcase assertiveness. Follow the tips above and put yourself first!