Is Boredom Affecting Your Marriage? 4 Ways to Keep the Flame Alive

One of the most common problems married couples run into is feeling stuck in their marriage. When you’ve been with one person for so long, it’s almost inevitable. 

Unfortunately, many couples resort to separation or divorce when they feel restless in a lasting marriage. But would it really be easier to just separate and ask for spousal support while you figure out what’s next?

Stop right there. While leaving your marriage for something more exciting may seem easier, it could also cost you the love of your life. Instead, take the initiative to reforge your bond and

So Why Do You Feel Bored With Your Marriage?

While our society likes to prop up chaotic relationships as the ideal, boredom is often a sign that your marriage is healthy and secure. It’s common for spouses to become bored when they feel safe and accepted simply because that security isn’t something we’re taught to look for.

If that sounds like you, it’s time to put in the work. Start by identifying the root cause of your dissatisfaction:

• A broken relationship template: You may not have had a healthy relación role model growing up, which can impact your ability to form functioning relationships in adulthood. For example, if your parents were separated or divorced, you may have been conditioned to expect dysfunction in love.
• Addiction to emotional drama: If you’ve had unhealthy relaciones in the past, you may have learned to expect emotional rollercoasters from your partners. Psychologists have likened this situation to a gambling addiction, which thrives off unpredictability and extremes.
• Need to over-function: Perhaps you feel the need to earn your spouse’s love, or you carefully watch your speech to avoid hurting their feelings. Regardless, it’s exhausting to constantly feel like you need to prove your worth — especially when your partner loves you unconditionally.

Regardless of what’s behind your dissatisfaction, confronting the issue is the first step to solving it.

4 Ideas for Making Your Marriage More Exciting

Now that you know what’s behind these feelings of boredom, it’s time to act. These tips can help you rekindle the romance and strengthen your bond for years to come.

Just remember — each couple is different! What works for some marriages may not work for your own. If that’s the case, it’s better to try something else than to continue pushing the same  tactic.

1. Maintain a Life Outside Your Marriage

Absence does, in fact, make the heart grow fonder. Instead of doing everything together, give your spouse the space they need to:

• Pursue their own hobbies.
• Cultivate strong friendships.
• Learn new things.

Spending time apart can make you realize how much you value your spouse’s company, which will ultimately bring you closer together. It can also help you both build more self-esteem and feel more secure and satisfied in your relationship, which is especially important for perfectionists and over-achievers.

Plus, you’ll have plenty of new stories to keep the dinner table conversation interesting each night.

2.  Shift Your Perspective

While it’s easy to get stuck in the feeling of boredom, working to reframe your mindset around your marriage can help motivate you to find a solution. It’s important to remember you are an adult with a mature mind and the agency to choose how your marriage plays out.

Here are some thought exercises you can use to adjust your perspective:

• Write down a list of things you love about your spouse to remind yourself why you said “I do.”
• View fun and excitement as a choice rather than an outcome to pursue.
• Brainstorm your positive needs — the things you do need in your relationship — over what you don’t need.

The discoveries you make during these exercises can help you find new reasons to pursue your spouse and inspire more ideas for bringing fun back into your marriage.

3. Go On Adventures Together

If you and your spouse have fallen into a nightly routine of Netflix and Chill, it may be time to suggest something else. Sparking a more adventurous spirit in your marriage can help

That said, your new adventures don’t have to be expensive or elaborate. Refreshing your daily routine can be as simple as:

• Taking long evening walks together.
• Going out for nice dinners when you can.
• Iniciar una Inicio improvement project.
• Visiting new coffee shops on weekends.
• Attending local events together.

Breaking out of that routine and crossing items off your bucket lists together can strengthen your bond and give you plenty of fun memories to look back on in the future.

4. Take Care of Your Mental Health

Is there anything you’ve been suppressing recently?

Pushing down your feelings often causes them to leak out in other ways. For example, suppressing feelings of boredom could eventually lead to passive-aggressive behaviors like:

• Giving your spouse the silent treatment
• Making subtle digs at your partner’s appearance or personality
• Avoiding time with your partner to do more exciting things

Take a moment to reflect on what’s been going through your mind recently and reflect on how those experiences could be affecting your relationship. You may be able to come up with a solution through that thought process alone.

You also might want to consider seeing a mental health professional if you think your boredom could be a symptom of a broader issue, such as depression or anxiety. Psychology Today has an excellent (and free!) therapist finder tool on their website.

The Bottom Line: Can You Save Your Marriage?

While it’ll take a substantial amount of work and commitment, you can get through seasons of boredom in your marriage. You just have to be open to being flexible and working together with your partner to keep your relationship alive.

One last word of encouragement before we let you go — Reader, you’ve got this. We wish you and your spouse luck!